


Privilege of kindness

by Dovetail567



Category: Start-Up (Korea TV), StartUp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28527006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dovetail567/pseuds/Dovetail567
Summary: What if Han Ji Pyeong was not a good boy as a teenager? What if he never had a chance to experience familial kindness? What if he takes longer to find a home, and himself?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Understanding risk

**Author's Note:**

> To quote Parasite (2019), "She's nice because she's rich". Ji Pyeong was not rich. In fact, he had nothing. What made him a good boy? How did he end up successful? What are the odds that he just grows up kind and "good"? 
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I love his character in the drama but I wanted to explore his character a bit more, and maybe take some creative liberties with his life (as though his in the drama wasn't already tragic enough). He will eventually still be a "good" person but he will definitely take a while to get there. 
> 
> Please note that this is meant for mature readers, with some extremely heavy themes. Please do not read if you are looking for something light and fluffy.

Ji Pyeong stares at the box. He finds it hard to believe that someone would be stupid enough to leave a stranger alone with a box of cash. From the looks of it, it's quite a large sum too. Ji Pyeong is not stupid, never was- a tiny shop like that would generate maybe 100,000 won of revenue a day at most. That box of cash is probably the result of months of hard work. Is he about to repay the stranger's kindness with theft? 

He is not a thief. Or is he? The last time he stole, it was bread from the orphanage kitchen. He was being punished for being disrespectful to the Director but surely 3 days without food was pushing it? It was easy to justify this actions then. After all, if he did not eat something then and there, he was convinced he would not wake up the next morning and that would surely be bad for the orphanage's reputation to have children die of starvation. God wouldn't want his sacred institution to be tarnished in the local news, would he? He was clearly doing everyone a favour, his feverish mind reasoned as he stuffed stale bread in the cover of darkness. 

But this is different. Or is it? The strange woman did not ask for payment nor his services, a mode of payment that Ji Pyeong was all too familiar with. She even gave him food and offered him shelter. A tiny part of him acknowledged that the right thing to do is probably not to run off with her money. But is it not her fault that she left the money here in the first place? She let him in. He did not force his way in. In fact, he rejected her offer like any sane person but she insisted. And he was tired, hungry, wet and so desperate to avoid a trip to the hospital for a bout of hypothermia. He figured any payment demanded by the woman would probably be cheaper than the hospital so it was a risk worth taking. As an afterthought, he could probably overpower her in a fight if she demanded too much. 

Now that he is seated in her cozy shop without a note informing him of chores he's expected to complete by morning or an account number for him to wire money to, he realised belatedly that he's made a mistake in his crude costing exercise. What is the price of kindness? How much human decency can he afford? There's too many unknown variables in the equation and it was frustrating. 

If there is one thing Ji Pyeong has learnt in his long and tedious 18 years, it was that every action has a consequence. If a simple costing exercise won't work because of undefined variables, he needs to calm down and think logically. Being somewhat blessed with a good head on his shoulders, Ji Pyeong managed to weather through the worst of his life in a Seonju orphanage. The few times he was not able to think properly, he paid for it and he would rather not repeat those experiences. If he weren't kicked out of the orphanage, he would already have the answers as the rules of survival within the 4 walls of the orphanage were already ingrained in him. 

However, he was now out in the real world, and he was not accustomed to the rules of the real world. He cannot afford to make any mistakes- the downside risks of a bad choice are unknown to him and potentially infinite. On the other hand, Ji Pyeong knows the exact value of the upside in this case- 8,000,000 won. It would be enough for a roof over his head for the next few months until he goes off to college on some charity scholarship provided by some corporation eager for some CSR brownies points to cover up some embezzlement scandal or something like that. 

He needed to think.


	2. Sharpe Ratio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jipyeong makes an offer grandmother cannot resist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When comparing between different investments, one metric often used is the Sharpe Ratio, which measures risk-adjusted returns on a portfolio. Without going into technicalities, the higher the risk-adjusted returns, the better the portfolio seems (other conditions held constant). In this chapter, Jipyeong considers his next moves by choosing the option of the highest return with the lowest risk.

Won-deok was a kind woman. At least she thought so herself, and would like to believe that God thinks so too. Life has not been easy but she does not really have anything to complain about either. Yes, she sometimes wished that her family would still be together but maybe it is better that Ah-Hyun chose to go her own way. They weren't happy and as much as she believed in the sanctity of marriage, she was wise enough to know that the two would not be able to weather through some fundamental incompatibilities. With the finalisation of her son's resignation and subsequent divorce, she started spending more time at the hotdog shop to help support her lovely granddaughter. He has barely enough savings for the two of them to keep their house, how will he be able to pay for her cram schools and college tuition and everything else a growing child needs? For Won-deok, the hotdog shop used to be something she kept up with to keep busy and have some additional income to spoil her grand-daughters who appreciated the small gifts and trinkets. Now, the hotdog shop has become a necessity. She needs to save enough to send Dalmi to college. 

And so, when she realised the implication of her generosity in the morning, Won-deok ran like she hasn't ran in years. Running into the shop without removing her shoes, Won-Deok reached for the money box. 

It was empty. 

She checked the box, maybe she took the wrong box. 

It's the right box. A faded chocolate box with golden interiors and good old Sejong and Shin Inseon wrapped in neat bundles. All she sees now is the box. 

She collapsed into a heap. What was she thinking! What should she do now? 

"Before you call the police, you should hear me out."

Won-deok turned around to the voice. Despite her confusion, despair and a tiny bit of curiosity, she cannot help but think that the boy before her eyes is very handsome, and cute- a little creature she would like to fatten up. She could not get a good look of him yesterday, the pouring rain ensured that she would see nothing but the boy's silhouette but now in the light of day, she notices his sharp features and intelligent eyes. But also how tired he was, and not exactly in a I-just-ran-a-marathon way. He reminds her of those relatives outside a funeral home after the wake. It was jarring to see that look on someone so young. 

"I did not take your money, if that is what you are wondering." 

Jipyeong sat down politely in seiza* and opened his backpack. 

"Where is it then?" 

"I counted them and deposited them in a bank. You left your hanko* and id in the shop too you know." Jipyeong explained as he slid the bankbook, id and hanko across the floor to Won-deok. 

"Why would you do that? You cannot just take people's money and put them in a bank, what's wrong with you?" 

"I counted the amount. I'm impressed. I guess hotdogs are pretty popular these days, you should consider franchising" 

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? How does this have anything to do with you taking my money?" 

"I was just looking around your shop last night when I saw your unguarded box of money. Honestly, it was tempting but I cannot risk it. I was in uniform and there's only a few schools within walking distance. I cannot afford to transfer schools either so if you reported me, I would have been found out within a day, maybe two given the police's incompetence I reckon. Not to mention, I have been carrying a cardboard of my name the entire day. Any random CCTV would have caught it. An orphan in jail for stealing, won't that be too cliché? If life is a theatre, I am more for the edgy postmodernist stuff rather than the Andrew L Webber cryfest." 

"Webber? BBQ?** What gibberish are you talking about?" 

"It means I did not take your money. Are you really this dense?" 

Won-deok felt like reaching over to box his ears. Or give his skinny arms a pinch. How was this angelic looking boy so damn rude? 

"Are you always this rude? Or are you looking down on me? Get out, you have overstayed your welcome." 

Jipyeong expected this response. After all, rejection has pretty much been a constant feature of his life. He counted the lack of physical assault which usually accompanies rejection to be a blessing already. Honestly, he was surprised that the woman didn't already chase him out with the broom in the corner of the room, or the pan on the wall or the heavy bible on the low-table. Given her frustration, even a backhand would probably sting a bit. That did not stop the tiny uneasiness of disappointment that welled up in the depths of his stomach down though but he forced it down and told himself to soldier on. He was here to negotiate.

"Actually, I can't do that. I am staying." 

"You insolent child, what makes you think I will let you stay? You took my money, you are rude and honestly, it was a one-time thing! I have my own issues."

"I counted your money and you are way above the tax exemption threshold for small businesses. And this business has not been registered, not too mention the lack of health and safety inspection. If I reported you, this shop will almost definitely be shut down."

"You insolent child, are you threatening me?" 

"Not really, I am offering solutions. I can help you with the registration and the paperwork for taxes. I went to the ward office this morning to ask about local government business grants so I can help with the applications for that. I am also good at math and I have great stamina for menial labour. I just need a place to stay. If you let me stay here, I will do all the above at lower than market rate". 

Won-deok stared at the boy, more confused than ever. What was he saying, that he needed a place to stay? Why is a high-schooler out here negotiating with her? 

The silence made Jipyeong nervous, this was a bet that he must win. 

"Fine, I will do everything for free. Just let me stay here till September and I guess if I am working for free, you need to give me time to work elsewhere so I can buy food."

Suddenly, the boy didn't look so insolent anymore. Won-deok was not smart but she was good at reading people. At that moment, she knew that the boy kneeling in front of her was not a thief, nor did he look so threatening. 

Jipyeong mistook the silence for reluctance. Truth be told, this was a bluff. He knew that the easiest way would have been to just take the money and ran away, take the GEDs once the police are no longer looking and go off to college. But the risks of that was similarly high. If he were caught, it would have been the end of his plans and nothing he endured would have mattered. If he could get the woman to agree to this deal, sure it would mean free labour but this way, he would at least be above the law. 

He needed to persuade the woman. But what else can he give? Other than his brains and labour, he had nothing else. Unless... 

"I am sure you are angry. Why don't you hit me then? I won't retaliate. You can tie me up too if you are afraid I would hit back." 

"You crazy child. Don't you have school? It's almost 10am!" 

"It's Sunday though." Jiyeong replied in a barely audible murmur. 

"Fine, you can stay for now, I'm late for church. Don't you dare make a mess of the shop. I will be back tomorrow. If you are not gone by then, I will consider."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *what is the Korean equivalent of seiza and inkan? I'm not Korean so I'm just using writing based on what I'm familiar with. If there are any Korean readers, please educate me on how Koreans sit politely and how bank accounts are opened? 
> 
> **It's a grill company.
> 
> The next chapter will explore a little bit more of what the characters are thinking and what happens after Won-deok leaves. Maybe I will introduce Dalmi too (but she will not become a main character)


	3. Sunk Cost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ji Pyeong finally managed to convince Won-deok to let him stay.

Ji Pyeong stared at the small clock on the wall. It had been 4 hours since the woman stormed off. Plenty of time for her to regret letting him stay the night and return to chase him out. This probably means he is safe for another night right? She could always return tomorrow, with others in tow to "teach him a lesson". He finds it funny that people are always trying to teach him a lesson. In fact, the "lessons" are getting sort of repetitive; and he wasn't always sure what he was supposed to learn from them. His "tutors" don't always tell him the learning objectives before or after each lesson. It is kind of ironic really, that he, Han Ji Pyeong holds the number one spot in the school district but yet, he is apparently constantly in need of lessons- long difficult lessons that often leave him aching for days after. 

Back to the matter at hand, she said "don't you dare make a mess of the shop". What could that mean? Does she mean I should stay still and not make a mess? But isn't that a given? What sort of kid would willingly make a mess when left alone, that's such a stupid thing to do since there's no one to push the blame on when the punishments are dealt. No, she must mean something else. Should I do some work but not make a mess? She didn't say what needs to be done though. Maybe this a test, to see if I am sensible enough to figure out what she wants? Or a test for me to screw up so that she can rightfully chase me out. 

Jipyeong hated the uncertainty. He was used to a baseline level of anxiousness in his life- a constant current of hurt, shame, anger and ambition but most of the time, he was secure in the knowledge that no matter what happened on any given day, he could eventually retreat back into his tiny room at the Orphanage when it blows over to nurse his wounds and prepare for the next metaphorical battle. He was now in uncharted waters, without a compass nor a map, set adrift with no end in sight. He was truly alone, and scared. 

With all the willpower he could muster, Jipyeong suppressed his worthless anxieties to focus on the issue at hand. He needed to decipher the instructions left by the woman to increase his chance of staying here. Obviously, he knew that doing anything might be counterproductive but he cannot possibly be expected to sit here like a sack of potatoes, can he? He needed to prove that he is of value to the strange woman. He's already threatened and grovelled and exerted energies into convincing the woman, he cannot give up now. The logical side of his brain scolds him for falling prey to the sunk cost fallacy, but what can he do? Honestly, investment textbooks can be so full of shit at times. When you have only one option, there is nothing to do but to soldier on ahead and hope for the best. 

What is the least objectionable chore that he do? Something that won't be conceived as making a mess, something the opposite of making a mess. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Won-deok reached the shop the next morning, she was surprised to find the strange boy waiting in front of her store, shivering in his autumn uniform. 

"I see you are still here". 

The boy offered a small bow. 

"It's really clean. You could probably eat a meal off the floor". 

"Are we speaking the same language? Do you not know how to have a proper conversation? What in the world are you mumbling about?"

"You said I shouldn't make a mess. I cleaned your shop. I scrubbed the floors, twice. And I wiped down everything. I cleaned the fryer and cooking equipment too. I didn't have time to do more because it got too dark and I didn't want to waste your electricity. If you give me permission to turn on the lights at night, I can be more productive" 

Won-deok was at a lost for words. In hindsight, this happens quite often around the boy. 

Jipyeong hated the lack of response. He preferred any response over silence. Silence did not offer him any insights into what she was thinking and he needed information in order to plan his next move. Was she dissatisfied that he only scrubbed the floors twice? He can be so lazy sometimes, why didn't he just do it another time. 

He's unpleasantly reminded of the time his 11 year-old self was temporarily sent to live with a potential adopter, a 30-something statistician. She needed someone to adopt so that she could receive her inheritance from her rich dying father, who wished for his only daughter to have a male heir. She had a severe case of OCD and so her only ask of him was that he cleaned the house and kept himself clean. He remembered scrubbing the floors on his hands and knees with a toothbrush to really get into the grouts. He even suffered chemical burns from using bleach for maximum cleanliness. It didn't matter though, he was still sent back to the orphanage at the end of the week- no questions asked, no explanation given, like an Amazon return. He convinced himself that he must have missed a spot. Otherwise, he would have had to entertain the idea that maybe he was the dirty one. He can always do better if it's the former, be more careful in his chores. There's not much he can do to cleanse himself, is there? He already took more showers than any of the boys in the orphanage. 

"If you give me more instructions, I can do better. I promise, I am a really fast learner, and good at most things." Jipyeong cringed at how pathetic he sounds, keeping his eyes on the ground and hands firmly clasped together to keep the embarrassment at bay. In addition, the picture of humility probably doesn't hurt either- he's learnt this much from his life lessons. 

"Dalmi won't even think of washing her dishes after meals, you are really quite a strange kid". 

Who the fuck was Dalmi. She sounds like a spoilt brat. 

"She's my granddaughter, and not that much younger than you, you know?" 

That explains it. Jipyeong didn't bother pointing out the obvious difference between this Dalmi person and himself and just responded with a nervous nod. 

Won-deok didn't reply, but stepped aside towards the door of the shop and reached inside her bag for the keys. 

"You still have school right, you should go before you are late. Come back in the afternoon- it will be busy around 5 when the younger kids return home after cram school." 

"Does this mean I can..." 

Won-deok cut him off. "Aren't you supposed to be smart, do you need everything spelled out? Yes, you can stay for now but I better don't catch you taking my money again, I know your name now, Han Ji Pyeong," as she glances at his name tag.


	4. Breakeven

Won-Deok often wondered in the months after the chance encounter with the boy what made her decide to take him in. She was sure it wasn't the tempting offer of essentially free labour. She wouldn't necessarily say the boy resembled a cute stray puppy one might pick up on the side of the road either. In fact, the boy's constant switch between rigid respectfulness that seemed way too submissive to be healthy and barely-concealed anger at some imaginary world unbeknownst to others confused Won-Deok greatly. But she would always remember the boy's shivering form in the January cold, and his shaking hands that spoke louder than the verbal pleas. There was no way he would survive the winter in one piece if she didn't take in; she somehow knew that. The newspapers often reported about homeless people committing petty crimes to get thrown in jail, where they would be guaranteed food and shelter. If her act of kindness could prevent a child from resorting to crime or something worse, it would be awfully unchristian of her to turn him away. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

At 5pm that day, Ji Pyeong walked toward the hotdog shop tentatively. What if she changed her mind? What if his things have been thrown out on the streets? Preparing for the worst, Ji Pyeong makes the trip back uneasily. 

Apparently he worried for nothing because as soon as the woman saw him in the distance, she shouted for him to hurry up and wash his hands to help with the hotdogs. Ji Pyeong was all too happy to oblige. He had a place to stay! 

In the following months, the two established some sort of routine. Ji Pyeong helped out at the shop after school and in return, the woman would always leave him some leftovers for dinner. He cleaned the shop at night and left for school in the morning before the woman arrives to open in time for lunch service. The woman didn't really pay him but did allow him to stay up as late as he wanted to read and do his homework. Sometimes she would come by on the weekends to "check on something", in which case she would always curiously be carrying tupperwares of home-cooked food with her that she just can't finish before they go bad. Ji Pyeong was more than willing to help out. 

One time, the woman brought a whole tupperware of spicy rice cakes. Ji pyeong has never had spicy rice cakes. He's read about them, he's seen them on TV and of course he has walked past groups of teenagers gathered around a street cart, consuming said rice cakes and being generally too loud in Ji Pyeong's opinion. The rice cakes always smelled good though, good enough for him to debate internally if he should spend his meagre allowance from the orphanage. But reason has always won out, he simply didn't have the luxury to spend on frivolous things like street food, especially when he knows that there's food at the orphanage that he has already technically paid for with his labour. If he is going to be earning his keep through back-breaking chores and humiliating submissiveness, it really wouldn't make sense for him to be filling his stomach up with outside food would it? When Ji Pyeong had his first bite of the unassuming rice cake, he didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that it was so freaking good or to cry at the fact that he has been deprived of the simple dish for so long. He decided to do neither- but did mentally conclude that his favourite food from then on would definitely be spicy rice cakes. 

Ji Pyeong realised that he has never had a favourite anything up till that moment. Having preferences imply that one has choices. He has never been given many choices in life has he? He did prefer to avoid pain and would prefer to be full and warm, but that would hardly be considered as having preferences, would it? 

If Won-deok realised how Ji Pyeong worked extra diligently the next day, she did not mention it. But she did leave some instant rice cakes that was "about to go bad" for Ji Pyeong the next day. 

For once, Ji Pyeong felt that maybe his life could be somewhat good and that his efforts would be rewarded with a fair amount of care.


	5. Short Squeeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have been a little crazy at work this week but it got me thinking about how the situation with GameStop this week is kind of similar to the relationship between the defenceless Ji Pyeong and fate. It also gave me an idea on how Ji Pyeong might have traded as well as he did in a year. His YTD returns were 800% if I remember correctly- that is extremely unlikely (for comparison, high-performing hedge funds have returns of between 10~20% Y/Y).

Ji Pyeong hasn't been angry in a long time. He's found that anger, like a great many other things, is something that he cannot afford. It takes energy to be angry, and between trying to survive in a strict Catholic orphanage, maintaining his perfect school record and keeping his crippling insecurities at bay, he doesn't usually have much energy to spare.

However, when he was greeted with the sight of the Director after school, he felt the slow simmering anger that lurked below the surface bubbling up. What the hell was he doing here?

"Shouldn't you greet me Ji Pyeong? Where are your manners?" 

"You are no longer in charge of me. You told me to get my shit together, don't you remember?" 

"I'm still your elder you know, you should respect me. Before you run your mouth any longer, you should think about the consequences. I'm assuming you might miss a trip down to my office?"

"What the hell, I'm not going back!" Ji Pyeong yelled, flustered and confused. 

Other students in the vicinity glanced over. Some wondered if the man was the father of the top student. Those in the know knew that the relationship between the two were in no way paternal. Either way, it didn't stop them from being awfully curious at the scene. Few have witnessed any emotion from the top student.

Director Park, wishing to avoid any further attention, grabbed Ji Pyeong arm harshly and whispered into his ear. 

"You need to come with me, you little bastard. The church is doing an audit and you need to be there for the headcount. Don't you dare even think of running because so help me god, I will..."

"You will what?" Ji Pyeong glared back at the man. 

Ji Pyeong thought about all the times he was fucked over by the system, by Director Park but perhaps most frustratingly of all, by the mysterious fates that he cannot control. 

The first time he realised that he was being fucked over by whoever controlled fate was during his first night at the Orphanage. Unlike most kids at the orphanage who were left at the doorsteps as a baby by teenage mothers who couldn't get an abortion or those whose parents perished in some sort of accident while they were still toddlers, Ji Pyeong knew exactly how he ended up at the orphanage. This meant that unlike other children who had the luxury of ignorance, who could imagine that their parents were good and kind and that in an alternate universe, they would have been happy and loved, Ji Pyeong knew exactly the kind of fucked up druggies he had for parents. 

The second time he realised was when a couple who heard about his superior intellect came down to the Orphanage to meet him. They spoke to him for about 5 minutes before the woman told him to go play and that they had to talk to the Director. Naturally, Ji Pyeong stayed outside the door to eavesdrop. Apparently he wasn't what they were looking for- they wanted a child that would bring them joy, Ji Pyeong looked too burdened and reeks of misfortune. That didn't stop the Director from calling him into his office afterwards for a "chat" with his cane. He was chasing away generous donors and needed a reminder that he shouldn't be so selfish. As he held on to the edge of the table, trying to maintain position and not make too much noise, he wondered wryly if the woman would be joyous if she were in his shoes, and whether she would bite her lips and close her eyes to keep the tears from falling. 

Ji Pyeong stopped keeping track after that. 

But now, staring into the unkind eyes of the Director, Ji Pyeong felt sheer white anger. He's had enough of being fucked over- for once, he felt somewhat safe in the grandmother's little shop. He was not going to let anyone manipulate him again, especially not Director Park. 

"You were the one who chased me out. If you thought I would just follow you back when you called, you are wrong. I found a place to stay, so I don't need you nor the Orphanage anymore so you can go fuck yourself. If you need a headcount, go find another boy to bring back- I am never going back there. If you try anything, I will scream and I guarantee you won't like what I'll be screaming so go, and don't come for me again." 

Ji Pyeong didn't wait for a response. He wriggled out of his grip and ran as fast as he could down the main road, not looking back, not stopping to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote another paragraph that is a bit more graphic and mature about one of his episodes at the Orphanage. Not sure if there's interest to read it- please comment if y'all are interested in the full angst.


End file.
